Day 15 - Leaving Shisha (Going to the Swiss Hotel in Makkah)

Salah, reminders from Dr Muneer and Sh Alaa, and last minute packing and preparation to leave the Shisha building fill our last day here. Doing laundry at the hotels is expensive, so yesterday, I had decided to give our laundry to one of the tiny, sweet Indonesian caretakers to wash for some extra money. A lot of our building had the same idea, so the tiny, sweet Indonesian ladies were busy!

The sister helping me - her name is Centa. I gave her a couple of bags of laundry plus the heavy ihrams from my husband to wash. I asked her how much, but she refused to answer. Whatever we wanted to give, was what she was saying. I had no idea how much, so I asked around to find the going rate. The laundry was ready in the afternoon. The caretakers share a room, so I walk up a flight of stairs and knock at the door. The door is ajar and the room is dark, and I can hear sobbing inside. I nudge it further to find Centa crumpled over and crying on her bed. After my pitiful tries at asking what was wrong, our attempts at communicating left much to be desired, but we both try our best. She tells me she left Indonesia 7 years ago, leaving behind her family so that she could send home the much needed income. She has been back only once, 5 years ago. She hasn't seen her kids since then and she just got a phone call.

One of her kids was sick and it was serious.

That's all I can gather. But her heartbreak is clear and that doesn't need explanation. Her desperation is deep and even through the tears, her eyes are pleading. It would be impossibly hard to conceive the idea of not seeing your own child for 5 years. Our #firstworldproblems is that I only get to see my sisters and my parents at least a couple times a year, and even then the heart wants a mother's touch and to share a sister's laugh.

Sh Alaa had told us earlier that you will know when someone is truly in need of your charity. They won't have to ask, you will just know. And Centa's is just one story among millions in our Ummah of oppression, injustice and poverty. So I fear the Day that I will be held to account for the nothingness I have done to help.

After some time, Centa dries her tears, packs up my laundry and hands me the bag. I return to my room, with high hopes that I would remember her story when any difficulty approaches. Only Allah knows if I will.

We leave for Makkah after Maghrib.

Day 14 - Last Day of Tashreeq (13th of Dhul Hijjah)

Unlike the other days of Tashreeq, the Jamaraat would be after Dhuhr today, not Asr. The fear of the heat is palpable. A few short hours are the only difference between Dhuhr and Asr, but the difference in temperature, now that's another story. During our days in Mina, we've spent time worshipping Allah and increasing our sisterhood with our Hajj companions, but we've also spent time figuring out how to stay cool, retain energy, minimize washroom time, etc. But now, despite the worry about the heat, there is a bittersweet moment as this will be our last official act of Hajj. After all the years of wondering if this was even possible, all the months of preparation, the countless moments of anticipation and of course, the journey itself, the pilgrimage of our lifetime will end today.

After our last Jamaraat, we return to the Hajj building at Shisha. Faces are weary during the short trek back through the tunnel, but after a quick shower and a change of clothes, the atmosphere is almost electric. I'm not sure if the expressions are relief, accomplishment, excitement or a combination of all 3, but the dinner room is celebratory and jovial. Each round table is nearly encompassed by the largest platter of meat and rice I think I've ever seen in my life and small groups form to sit around each table and share this enormous meal.

I think about the many meals and moments I've shared with my new companions in these past weeks. The bonds that are formed during Hajj feel unbreakable. There was Sr Najma and Sr Rabia, from Regina, who gave the best and most sincere advice at the time I needed it the most. And Sr Sarah from London, our roommate in Shisha with a spirit and smile that was contagious, who made you feel like you were her best friend, even though you just met. Of course, the lovely Sr Aneesa from Markham, felt like we had known each other forever when she shared her stories of her family back in Canada. And then the many Libyan doctors/wives from all over Canada. Each time you encountered one, they were better than the last! The tight knit group welcomed us and loved us with open arms and they made us feel like family, subhan Allah. And this is just to name a few...

The quick companionship and the sisterhood that was built on loving each other for the sake of Allah, penetrates the heart and is reminder of the companionship that the Prophet (saws) must have shared with the sahaba. We know the stories of their sacrifice and love for each other and we know how each companion felt that they were the one who was closest to the Prophet. The hardships they endured together, the poverty, the difficulties, the boycotts, the way they would be slandered, the fear-mongering against them, all of this didn't break them, it unified them and increased their love for each other and for all of humanity.

As we end our last day in Shisha, Sh Riad provides us with some practical advice about how to maintain our steadfastness after Hajj when we return back to our day to day lives. His words are heartening and meaningful. Focus on salah, the root of our relationship with Allah. Keep up with voluntary fasts on the Mondays, Thursdays and 3 middle days of the month. Develop a relationship with the Quran, read 1 Juz a day, so that you complete 1 recitation per month. Busy yourself with dhikr and add baraqah to your rizq by increasing your istighfar. Make lots of tawbah so that Allah will hide your faults and wipe them from your records. But his very first piece of advice? Check your friends. These are the ones you will be raised with on the day of Judgement.

And insha Allah, if we are raised with the likes of sisters such Najma, Rabia, Sarah, Aneesa and the countless others, then insha Allah we will also sit by the stream of AlKauthar with the Prophet (saws) and his companions. Ya Rabb, you are Ar-Razzaq, so provide us with righteous companionship in this life so that we can meet each other in Jannah, with no account. Ameen.

Day 12, 13, 14 - Days of Tashreeq (11th, 12th, 13th of Dhul Hijjah)

It's the days of tashreeq and the only real item on the agenda is jamarat after dhuhr each day. So it leaves ample time for people to perform extra ibadah. It also leaves time for people to release their frustrations and exhaustion.

So unfortunately, people do complain. Perhaps they are tired or sick. Maybe they are older or in pain. All you can do is gently remind them that it is all about perspective.

The perspective that it's uncomfortable sleeping on floor cushions...until you see the people sleeping under the buses with their infant children amongst the building piles of garbage.

The perspective that it's inconvenient sharing a washroom with 7 other women...until you are sharing 10 washroom stalls with approximately 200 other women.

The perspective that it's boring when the menu has very little veggies...until the street children run up to you for 1 chicken nugget from your box of AlBaik.

The perspective that it's hot at night when the AC doesn't seem to be enough...until you see the cute, little Indonesian female workers sleeping on the footsteps of the washroom floors.

The perspective that it's annoying to see cleaners just standing around waiting for tips/sadaqa...until you see one of them finish the leftover drink that was meant for the garbage.

The perspective that it's exhausting to wait for a train for 1 hour...until you see the people walking from Mina to Arafah with barely a semblance of a pair of sandals on their feet.

The perspective that it's infuriating when people are constantly pushing you during tawaf just to stay with their group...until you realize they probably can't read/understand Arabic and will be completely lost and on their own if they are separated.

A sign that your hajj is accepted is that you refrain from complaining. When you step outside the protected gates of our Mina tents, everything else seems insignificant. And you remember that perspective is everything.

Day 11 - Eid! (10th of Dhul Hijjah)

Eid Mubarak!

Today, I thought of Eid back home. Watching Maariyah, Junayd, Ameera, Zaid and Rashid open up presents. Calling my mom, dad, Amereen and Shakereen and saying Eid Mubarak. Calling my Nani to wish her Eid Mubarak and instead, having her make dua for me the whole time we are on the phone masha Allah.

But here in the tents of Mina, I slept. I slept and slept and slept. Except for the brief intervals of wudu, salah or meals, I slept like I ran a marathon the day before.

And if I felt that way, what about others?

I'm one of the youngest people in our group. Alhamdulillah, I have all my senses, my youth, my limbs, my financial advantages, etc, and sometimes, I feel overwhelmed by the enormity of Hajj. And yet, there's the blind hafiz of the Quran, the elderly woman who's every step sends a shooting pain up her leg, the parents who've brought their 10 month old daughter, the adult child who pushes his disabled father in a wheelchair, the brother who is deaf and mildly autistic, I could go on and on subhan Allah.

Surely, their journeys have greater challenges, but they seem to persevere and thrive masha Allah. Indeed, their reward must be great. Not only for overcoming their perceived disadvantage, but for inspiring the rest of us to appreciate the ease that Allah has provided us.

At night, there was a special Eid dinner before we would leave to make our tawaf-ul Ifadah with Dr Muneer. We left Mina at midnight and returned at 9am the next morning.

We were out of ihram.

Day 10 - Arafah (9th of Dhul Hijjah)

Today was one of the most important days of my life. It felt like 10 days rolled into one. It felt like there was no sense of when time started and when it ended. It felt like every emotion that ever existed could be seen on every face: fear, desperation, frustrations, euphoria, hope, sadness, panic, serenity...

As people pleaded at Arafah, it felt like no one else mattered. As people lay down weary on the ground of Muzdalifah, it felt like humanity has always been equal. As people pelted the stones at Jamarat, it felt like everyone's frustration against their own weakness towards Shaytan was being released.

Arafah, Muzdalifah and Jamarat. A day that could leave you drained, but if you are blessed, a day that should make you feel reborn.

Sh Riad called it our new birthday.

Like I said, the most important day of my life.

Day 9 - Mina (8th of Dhul Hijjah)

It is hot. I don't know how else to describe what must be 50 degree weather. But during our trek (aka 20 minute walk) to our Mina tents, most of it is under a massive freeway tunnel, providing much needed relief from the sun, Alhamdulillah.

Every unexpected breeze is mercy from Allah. Every moment of shade is a blessing. Every sip of water is a gift.

We are assigned our tents. It seems we've been split by ethnicity (Indo/Pak in certain tents, Arabs in the others, everyone else mixed in between). As we shuffle into our tents with our carry on and backpacks, it is obvious that our accommodations are, by far, more luxurious than most. But the space is tight and for those us used to our expansive Canadian bedrooms, it takes some time to adjust to the new parameters of personal space and the heat.

Despite all of this, there is a woman in our tent. Masha Allah, she hasn't stopped smiling once. Not one complaint. Her face is fresh and lively. Her demeanor is warm and pleasant. She reads from her Quran in every spare moment and she has enough energy for 5 people, masha Allah.

And oh yeah....she's 5 months pregnant.

May Allah increase it and keep her under His protection. Ameen.

Image - Tent City

Day 8 - Prepare for Hajj

Today was a day filled with rest, salah and lectures by Dr Muneer, Sh Riad and Sh Alaa.

Dr Muneer was up first. Right after Fajr. We all gathered closely together in the prayer hall of the Hajj building. It feels like such a traditional way of learning. Something only the shuyookh talk about when they describe how they would sit at the feet of their teachers and learn. Perhaps, it is a bit romanticized, but it feels wholesome to learn this way.

Dr Muneer discussed the first 25 ayahs of the Surah-tul-Hajj. And guess what? They have nothing to do with Hajj itself. Not about the rituals, not about the procedures, not about the manasik, the faraid, the wajib, none of it. The first 25 ayahs of the surah are about the Day of Judgement and argumentation. Allah is surely full of Wisdom.

After Dhuhr, Sh Alaa also provides a reminder. He tells us of the story of Abu Dharr and how Abu Dharr had said that he loves illness, hunger and death. He loves illness, because his sins fall away, he loves hunger, because it brings him closer to Allah and he loves death, because it will bring him to Allah.

Later that evening, after Maghrib, Sh Riad is up. Earlier there had been a discussion and some of the pre-hajjis were complaining a bit and questioning some procedures. Sh Riad was visibly upset by the attitude of those that were complaining.

He started by saying his original topics was going to be about love. But he changed it. He wanted to remind us of our true purpose of Hajj. Not to be right about our madhab’s ruling, not to complain, not to argue.

He had changed his topic to death. Death of the Prophet (saws) and about the Day that everything will die.

The room was left silent. Tear streaked faces and heads in hands. Shoulders crumpled under some unseen weight and heavy sighs escaping burdened lungs. It is the day before Hajj and Allah provided us with our wake up call.

May Allah reward our shuyookh and protect them and their families. Their willingness to invest in us, sacrifice their time and time with their families to help us perform our hajj cannot be repaid by us. I have seen them run up and down handing out water bottles, I have seen them pick up and collect garbage, I have seen them pull wheelchairs over hards rocks, I have seen them answer our questions until their voices have become hoarse and barely audible, I have seen them cry and care for us, as if they would drag us to Jannah with them if they could.

Ya Allah! Accept from them and enter them and their families into Jannah with no account. Increase them in their barakah and increase them in their rank in this life and the next. Ya Rabb! You are the Most Merciful, shower them with your mercy and protect them from difficulty in this life and the next. Ameen.

We leave for Mina tomorrow.